Sunday, September 9, 2012

The next step...

I've really been struggling the last couple months with understanding my purpose.  Settling into married life and full-time job has been a new transition.  Not to say that the transition has been bad, rather it's presented different challenges that I didn't anticipate.  Challenges I'm really grateful for.  Chris and I's marriage is blissful.  I can't recall a single day when I have regretted any of our decisions - we were meant to be married and I love that about our relationship. 

What I've been struggling with more is what to do next with my life.  I always knew I wanted to finish school.  I always knew I wanted to get married.  The last six years have been focused on those two things.  Not to say that just focusing on those things make them happen, but I've truly felt the Lords hand in my life. Placing me in certain circumstances and blessing me in ways I've never imagined. 

Chris and I have clear goals.  I'm not saying we don't.  We have plans of a family, Chris finishing his degree, saving for a home, etc.  Yet despite working forty hours a week, I feel like my nights drag on and if you can't tell in my previous post - I watch way too much TV.  I find myself wishing away the current day for future things not within my grasp.  I know there are plenty of good things I could do to fill my time.  I've just realized unless I'm forced to do those things, they don't happen on a daily basis.  I've realized that if there is not purpose, there is not reason to do something. 

I recently received a new calling in our ward.  Proof again the Lord knows what I need.  Church was so fulfilling today.  It's been the first time in the last two months that I've felt rejuvenated.  I'm not saying I left with a grand idea of what I'm supposed to do with my life/spare time.  Instead I left with the understanding that life doesn't have to be chaotically busy, even if that's how I like it.  Working all day with school or studying all night is not longer an option. There are plenty of great things to accomplish on your own - without  academic deadlines.  Maybe that doesn't make sense, but I've decided to make a list of some things I'd like to do to with my free time, so that I'm using it for the most good.  Not saying any of them will happen, but it's a new approach....

-  Get another job - meaning numero dos.  I know that seems crazy, but I'm seriously considering getting a night job.  Not simply for the extra income, but I think I'd enjoy doing something productive outside of finance.  Even cleaning - I love cleaning.

-  Find the library and use it - I haven't read a good book in the last couple months. I love to read and love when I read late into the night trying to keep my eyeballs open.  

-  Photograph an image for my home.  I've taken so  many family pictures lately for other's.  I'd love to spend some extra time focusing on something to fill the walls of our home.  Even though I love our wedding pictures, its a bit overbearing.  We could use some diversity. 

- Get to know Heber - spend some time exploring.  This is one of those things that is harder for me.  I need to take the time to find new places to spend my time.

-Spend some time creating something.  I love to craft, and paint furniture.  I've felt limited on our tiny balcony, but I'm not longer going to let it hold me back. 

2 comments :

  1. So i really needed your post... Cody has been working days and nights lately trying to catch up on stuff and I find myself getting so lonely and bored even with my very active 2 year old. So to fill my time, I have been reading and reading and reading. I just finished the Matched series by Ally Condie which were pretty good and the Peach Keeper (Not awesome but a page turner). Hang in there, And like always crafting is my sanity! You could start making some stuff for you future family, cuz when the time times anything extra helps expecially with all the sudden expenses of a child. I taught myself to crochet and practiced while making lots of receiving blankets. Just a suggestion!

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    1. *When the time COMES.... Any thing extra helps

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