Thursday, June 18, 2015

Happier...

I’ve been thinking a lot about goals, dreams and reaching your full potential.  Specifically living the life God wants me to live.  I hesitate writing about religion on such a public forum, but truth is I’m a very religious person, so why not embrace it?  The fact is I’ve been putting off becoming an adult since 2009, the year I graduated college.  I get it, that was six years ago. In those six years I got a master’s degree, I got married and even birthed a kid.  There’s not much more of an initiation process to becoming an adult than having a living breathing human your responsible for.  But for me, nothing was harder than graduating college and realizing that real life was truly working full-time with no summer vacation or the fact I have to take a personal day on Christmas Eve. Then about six months ago I realized maybe that’s not what real life is about.  Maybe the reason I hate being an adult so much isn’t the stuff I’m doing, but rather the stuff I’m not doing.  I truly don’t consider myself a hater of work, but all the “day in day out” stuff is hard for me.  Like when I wake up and only get to snuggle Caldwell long enough for him to finish a bottle, then I place him in front of the TV so I can shower and get out the door.  In college, I spent plenty of time exploring the person I wanted to be.  Now days, I don’t have time.  I used to read constantly, now I can’t even remember the last book I read.  My social circle was vast with people I truly loved talking too.  Today I rarely interact with people who inspire me, I’m relayed with a lot of other people’s financial worries and because I’m a feelings person I emphasize with their worries.  I’ve been told that’s what makes me good at my job.  I really hope so, but more often than not, it feels like the opposite.  Then a couple months ago I started making a list.  A list of my dreams, not just goals because sometimes goals mean effort and I wanted this to me more enjoyable, something I might look forward to when I’m tired at night.  You get what I mean, training for a marathon wasn’t on my list that would require more determination that I was up for.  This isn’t rocket science; I wanted these dreams to be gratifying -short term stuff.  I was/am on a mission to be happier.  On this list, among other things, I found out that I really like to write, but not for the reasons you might think.  Not because I care about blogs or readers.  Writing actually relaxes me and I enjoy it.

There are two instances that led me to write this post today.  First, I printed the entirety of this blog into book form with the intention of deleting it.  It was a quick decision and one that stretched my budget, but when it arrived in the mail that big fat book affected me in a weird way.  I’d never been so grateful I’d jumped on the blogging band wagon years ago.  There were so many memories of Chris and I’s courtship that made me giddy just thinking about it, him, and us.

The second instance involved a lunch meeting a couple months ago.  For the record, I feel like my life consistently revolves around lunch meetings.  That’s beside the point; a gentleman spoke at this one though I can’t remember his name.  He had a normal day job, can’t remember now what that was either.  But get this, he was an author and he spoke passionately about being so.  Keep reading it gets better; his niche was parenting advice for the bathroom.  Quick one lines and paragraphs that would help you become a better parent while you’re sitting on the John.  I sat mesmerized by his enthusiasm for life and more importantly I came pretty close to purchasing one of his books of Amazon, even though I do not recall one time in my life reading a book on the toilet.  At the end of the lunch the question and answer portion of the meeting ensued. Someone asked, “What’s the hardest part about being an author.”  His response was something I’d never thought about.  He said the hardest part about being an author was getting a following.  Finding the people who wanted to buy his books once he wrote them. He went on to talk about the different avenues he perused to get people to notice his writing.  I got the impression he now spends less time writing and more time speaking.  Something I knew immediately he was much better at.  I guess my point is, what if he hadn’t pursued toilet parenting literature?  What if he hadn’t been trying to figure out his path outside of that day job?  So there you have it, my dream (which I’ve allowed myself to change or stop at any time if I want to) is to write more, while in the process enjoying life a little more. 

2 comments :

  1. Yay!!! I've seriously missed your posts. I miss knowing whats going on in your life, even though I know you are super busy. Sure do miss you girl! (Who did you go through to print your blog? I need to get on that asap! I might've cried buckets if you had deleted your blog.)

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  2. It's tricky business finding happiness in life I think. So much of growing up, my happiness (and dreams) were to get married and have kids... but it's like now what? I'm here and I have that and it's not happily ever after. It's hard. I totally hear you on the rarely being inspired thing. Here's to finding happiness and looking forward to reading more of your posts!

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